I was raised in church. A great advantage some would say. Don’t get me wrong I would not change that, but it did cause much mental anguish in my life. I was introduced to a God who was perfect and who demanded perfection. I could not live up to those demands no matter how hard I would try. I was constantly reminded that I was a sinner and that if I remained in that fallen state I would live eternally in hell. My plight was that I took that truth very seriously, and I was blinded to God’s love for me by my own sin, and Satan played havoc with my mind.
When you know that a the way that you travel is sinful and you are living that way; then how can a righteous God love you? I tried, as the Lord is my witness; I tried to please Him. Outwardly I was pure as the drifting snow, a hypocrite, but inwardly I was a mess. Then as a teenager what was inside began to manifest itself outside. I became angry. And I didn’t know what I was angry with; life itself was very scary. Yet I was still trying on my own to please God, and yet I was even further from Him then I had ever been, because I was becoming comfortable with the fact that I would never change. This was as good as I would ever get. It was not that I had not wanted to change into someone pleasing to God. I had at age 9 walked the isle to accept His salvation. I knew that He died for the sins of the world. I knew that only He could change me, but I didn’t trust that He even knew me; He didn’t chose to reveal Himself then. Not because He didn’t want to, but because I didn’t understand His love enough to receive it and use it to love Him back.
You see until I believed that He loved me I could not love Him, and the struggles went on. It wasn’t until I was in my early twenties that I through listening to Christian radio developed a hunger to know all I could about this Jesus, and God began to feed that hunger through His word (the Bible). Yet, I was still there. I had no relationship. I was not born again spiritually. That did come, and you can read of that. On the home page search function, type in: A bit of Testimony.
I found that coming to God must become a burning desire in me. A desire equal to or even greater than my desire to sin. There must be a flame on the alter of my heart which will burn forever for Him.
His life in us working in us to will and to do of His pleasure is the the joy and hope of our salvation.
How blessed we are to drink of the wells of His salvation. In Him is the fire, in Him is the flame and in Him we live!
Appreciate the truth that is in you.
PS- miss your comments.
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Appreciate you saying that BT. We are supposed to hear the same truth from the same Holy Spirit. I pray for all of our day to have ears to hear. Bless you brother.
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