I recently had a conversation with Lee, on a couple of my recent posts. I shared this with him and feel it should be shared as a post.
I don’t normally share this part of my testimony, but it taught me something that I would hope that no other believer would ever need to experience. But unfortunately, I have seen others not make it back. And I won’t go into detail concerning the sin, except to say that while living in Delaware almost 40 years ago, our family was attending a large independent charismatic church. I was an instructor or group leader in their evangelism explosion program by James D Kennedy. I came under an attack of temptation unlike I had had before. One day I made the decision to give in. It was a conscious decision. When the decision was made it was at the moment like a load lifted. It was like God said ok I’ll let you see the power of deliberate sin for yourself. And I did. The moment I did the deed I fell into such bondage. It’s the only way I can explain it. But it was as if I was in a deep hole of depression, and I was crying out to God. But I’m getting somewhat ahead of myself, because early in the midst of this bondage I sat in church with my younger son. My wife Ellen was working — she is an RN. My older son was at his grandfathers. So it was just the two of us, and in the middle of the pastor’s prayer, I’ll never forget this; he stopped speaking for a moment and then he said. “Oh my God, There is a man sitting here who if he continues on the road he is on he will lose his salvation and he may lose the salvation of his whole family”. As soon as he began saying this I knew that I was this man, and I began to weep and call on God for forgiveness. But like David, I paid a great price and it was Six months of torment before my freedom in Christ was even beginning to be returned to me, but the decision to turn back to the way that is straight. — You know that way and that gate that is narrow that leads to eternal life. That decision had to be mine. I didn’t have to re-enter the gate. I had not yet lost my salvation, but I did have to return to the narrow way that leads to eternal life. That way is of course still to follow Jesus. No that one sin did not rob me of my salvation, but — Yes, we are all sinners, and Yes those sins are all paid for, but there is a sin that leadeth unto death, and that sin cannot be forgiven. That sin is not the sin I committed but it could have led to it. For to walk away from Christ or to divorce yourself from Him is the unforgivable sin from which there is no return. To no longer abide in Him. One deliberate sin can take a man to a dangerous crossroad in his walk.
Christ is the truth, the life, the way to eternal life. No man can come to the Father but by Him. I need to add some bscripture.
for if you are living according to the flesh, you must die; but if by the Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “ Abba! Father!” The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him.
Romans 8:13-17 NASB
So then, brethren, we are under obligation, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh— for if you are living according to the flesh, you must die; but if by the Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the body, you will live.
Romans 8:12-13
So then, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your salvation with fear and trembling;
Philippians 2:12
Salvation is a free gift that The Holy Spirit uses in our life to effect change. You have been given the power to become a child, or son of God. Abide in Him, preserver, endure until the end. We are not justified by the law, but by following Christ, who said without Me you can do nothing. So our obedience to Him is a requirement. It is not an option. I want you to consider this following passage. God speaking to Moses and what happened afterward:
Then you shall say to Pharaoh, ‘Thus says the Lord, “Israel is My son, My firstborn.
So I say to you, ‘Let My son go so that he may serve Me’; and if you refuse to let him go, behold, I will kill your son, your firstborn.”’” Now it happened at the lodging place, that the Lord met Moses and sought to kill him [making him deathly ill because he had not circumcised one of his sons]. Then Zipporah took a flint knife and cut off the foreskin of her son and threw it at Moses’ feet, and said, “Indeed you are a husband of blood to me!” So He let Moses alone [to recover]. At that time Zipporah said, “ You are a husband of blood”—because of the circumcision.
Exodus 4:22-26 AMP
Now if we read this passage from KJV or from NASB IT MAKES NO SENSE. But the AMP allows us to see what is taking place. Apparently Moses has not obeyed God in the circumcision of His and Zipporah’s son. Reading between the lines it is entirely possible that the Son was not circumcised because Zipporah refused and Moses acquiesced. Zipporah only when she is faced with the truth of what obedience requires performs the circumcision herself and throws the foreskin at Moses feet.
Obedience is not an option with God. No we don’t keep the law, but does that mean we are free to disobey His Holy Spirit?
You be the judge. Is the Church floundering in disagreement for this very reason?

Jerry, I hope the Lord will use this testimony as a powerful witness. Yes, I have known people who went the other way. Instead of it pulling them closer to the Lord, they say once saved always saved and I can drink, sleep with whomever I want and I will still go to heaven. Although, in moments they will admit they walked away from the Lord. Jerry, I know this was probably very hard for you to put out there because I read the conversation between you and Lee, I know you never intended to share this with others. Just remember each part of our testimony will reach someone else that others think or they themselves think are unreachable by God.
If someone is reading this article by Jerry, and you think you have committed a sin or sins so bad that God will not possibly draw you back to Himself, then you need to read this dear brothers post again. As long as you have not denied that Jesus is the Saviour and as long as you are still feeling guilt or conviction over the sin that you committed against a Holy God, then come back. You have NOT committed the unpardonable sin. We all sin daily, we all fall prey to the evil one at some point or another. Willful sin is not unpardonable as long as you repent and turn from your wicked ways and listen to the Holy Spirit. Do not go one more day that you live in this guilt. Come back now.
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Man, Christian what a good addition to the story of God’s grace. Thanks brother.
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I believe I have told you before, I spent a lot of years thinking I wasn’t able to be saved. I am so glad you decided to share that part of your testimony. I think many people need to hear that others have committed willful sin yet through the Lord’s grace, even though He allows us to go through things because of that sin, His grace is enough to even cover that, as long as we are repentant and turn from that sin. Jerry, I believe you are a great witness for others. I appreciate all that you do on your website. I take your articles/comments and go into deeper study of what I believe to see if I am incorrect. I tried to use all the names in the articles of people whom have helped me grow since I began this blog. One of these days I am going to buy your book. I don’t listen just to like believing Christians, I listen to who I even disagree with just in case the Lord hasn’t corrected my thinking on a particular issue. Unfortunately, ever since I let out that I am mid-trib you are the only one who still comments on my blog. That’s ok, I still visit theirs to get their opinion on some issues. I really like Maria’s too. Merry Christmas, Jerry, continue in the faith, and when all else fells keep standing, brother. When you think you are all alone remember Elijah on the mountain saying I am the only one left. The Lord said, I have 7000 that you don’t know about. You are never alone. The Holy Spirit is always with and there are many you don’t know but the Lord does.
God Bless you, Brother!
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Really appreciate you, I’m preparing a response to Crissy on her Aug 13 post. I might be off on the date, but there were several issues I felt she and others like Sherry and Bibleguy need to think more about. I’m sorry that I somehow got disconnected from the discussion back then. It was a great idea.
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This spoke to me.
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Interesting, in what way?
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My own sins.
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Understood. I do so look forward to that day when sin is no more. Our weeping over sin will vanish. God bless you J-M.
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Same to you. That will be a great day.
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Amen
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